As he walked in the door instincts wanted to pull his eyes towards her, but he fought it. This was a work event and he had to fight it. He had to pretend the world didn’t fade away when his eyes met hers. He artificially made his way around the room, greeting his co-workers just it wouldn’t be so obvious that Jadie was the only reason he was there. Finally he made his way to where she was standing, he felt the way a child felt after finishing their vegtables just so they can have desert. He kept eye contact with her to a minimum to hide his adoration. To most this night she was the perfect host, beautiful, funny, attentive, and engaged. This is not to say she wasn’t enjoying herself, but when he looked at her he could always see all the layers of emotions moving around behind those eyes. This is why he loved her so much, to him she had multifaceted existence at any one moment. In his eyes it all blended beautiful. The beauty, grace, insecurity, confidence, love, fear, happiness, and pain. Maybe she was a mess, but to him she was a beautiful mess. He knew everyone is really a mess inside going ten different directions as once, but she always managed to pull it together to something more real, and deep than anyone he had ever met. He never minded a party, in fact he enjoyed meeting people, and getting lost in their story. Inside he was a writer, but he knew the best stories come from real life. That night he mingled with many new friends and old friends. Occasionally, he’d scan the room to find her and admire her for a few moments. She didn’t like to be watch, it made her more self conscience than usual, so he never watched for more than a few seconds, but watching her was amazing. He understood and loved her so watching her in real life moving through a night like this was amazing. He watched her the way astronomers watch the night sky in awe, just knowing all that beautiful was the result of uncontrollable energies, countless reactions, and undefinable dimensions. Just like the night sky, or any other natural beauty your own existence was shadowed by her presence. If she heard these words she would laugh, but she is special, anyone that meets her can see this, it is not just a creation of his delusions. Watching her that night, he took in all the smiles and laughs she created as she mingled. It’s hard to understand how someone like her could be insecurity. Physically she very easy to look at, and the fact that she was obliviously to her own physical beauty made her more enchanting. Mentally she was approachable, sincere, intelligent, and playful. She will never see any of these gifts. In the mirror her damaged eyes only see flaws and insecurities. He thought to himself, “one day I will make you see.” Some things came alive inside him when she met him, he wished he could return the favor. He knew for now he was not allowed to hope for what his heart wanted. As always he tried to focus on the fact that he was lucky that she let him inside her heart. Unforutnately his heart was greedy and he wanted more. He never tried to deny that his heart belonged to her.