It was the end of a long week. For some it was the start of new things, but for those left behind it was going to be long road of goodbyes. The company they worked for had just finished the third in a long round of lay offs. He knew she had a rough week, saying goodbyes always hurt her more than others. On the surface to most she presented her usual image to the world, calm, charming and beautiful, but just below surface was a very different world. Just below the surface there was an ocaean of insecurity, doubt, confusion, and pain. He loved this about Jadie. He loved her not because deep inside she carried scars from the past. He loved her because despite that dangerous ocean inside her heart still beat strong in these moments. Some even her tears made the world brighter. She wasn’t aware of this, within herself she still saw that scared frightened little girl from her childhood. She definitely had layers, and to some this might make her difficult to understand. He knew some might even use try to define a heart like hers as dangerous, but she never hurt anyone except herself in these lost moments. Tonight was no different. Her close friend, Jim, was retiring. Jim recently lost his wife. As all widows he was inconsolable and wounded, but over the past six months Jadie had grown close to him. She had made Jim sign up for a marathon, and despite being in his sixties and overweight he signed up for a half marathon with her. Being with her she always made you feel like you could do anything, when she loved you impossible didn’t exist. It might be lazy to describe her as magic, but she was magic. There was nothing like her in this world.

She had planned Jim’s retirement party, and in her typical fashion she the ordinary extraordinary. For a week she planned, and plotted. She even contacte corporate security to obtain Jim’s orginal id photo, created a photo collage, and arranged an impressive spread of appetizers. She reserved space at a small wine bar. It was the same wine where he met Jadie. Ironically she was almost wearing the same thing from that first night, jeans, heels, but instead of black blouse she wore a black sweater. The night was a success, people laugh, people ate, and people drank. During a toast to Jim, she almost let a tear slip, you could hear the crack in her voice, but she pulled it together and finished her toast. He and a few friends stayed behind to help Jadie clean up. They quickly packed her car, had one last toast to Jim and she was on her way home. Needing to sober up he went to dinner with his friend Erik. On her way home she called her current romantic interest, Jose. Needing to confide, wanting to be love, she tried to expose her demons to him. She knew that he was going to love her he needed to become familiar with this dangerous ocean of hers. Unfortunately he could not understand. Despite a facade of complex thoughts and sentiments, Jose saw the world, himself, and others in simple definite terms. Jadie was not simple, and her heart was an undefinable territory that you need to love before you understand. This hurt her deeply because she doesn’t expose herself to many, and in a brave vunerable moment she thought this guy might have the capacity to understand her demons. He did the worst thing possible, he judged. She was reaching out to him, and he pushed her away. Before hanging up he judgementally spewed the sentence, “I thought you loved yourself.” Maybe in his life this was taken as love, but to Jadie this was toxic. He knew from the beginning this guy would never be enough, and if he was being honest with himself he was a little envious of the guy. Maybe it was a tiny bit selfish, vut he didn’t want him in Jadie’s life. He was not worthy on so many levels, but he didn’t want it to happen this way. To be continued….