I never knew I could make it rain until I loved you. I never realized my heart wasn’t mine until you called my name. Hearts collide in an instant erasing yesterday. I never knew I could be strong enough to love you until tonight. I never knew I could make it rain until I met you.
Jadie,
I know I am always writing you, through text messages, through instant messages, etc… I know you probably understand more than most, but sometimes the meaning of my thoughts get lost in the noise. This noise, which you have come to know as the complication of us, although profound, can be exhausting at best. I know I can be exhausting, and maybe I am being too generous in my description, but I need to know you know that you are special and beautiful beyond description. This is one truth I need you to know. If I have to spend my life composing it a million different ways I will, thankfully I never get tired of telling you this. You tell me I see more than what you are, as if I take this image of you and add this imaginary narrative to create this person that doesn’t exist. Maybe I see more than the current moment, I see your past, I see your future and I see perfect heart you keep hidden from the world. If I’m wrong, if I am dreaming, I hope I never wake up, but I know I am not dreaming. There are only a few truths I know and you are one. No one, not even you will be able steal that from me. I know your heart doesn’t belong to me, maybe it never will, but it doesn’t matter. You inspire greatness in me, and loving you has taught me to be fearless. I know you can’t understand why, and to be honest I don’t understand why. All I know is that you give me reason to burn bright, so thank you. Thank you for your love. I’m sorry if you have heard this all before, tonight I am just missing you and feeling a little guilty because I know I will not be around for as long as you want me to be. I know you are strong and can live a life without me, and maybe I am thinking to much of myself, but when I woke up from my dream last night you were the first thing that came to mind. Ok I really need to sleep its getting harder and harder to complete thoughts. I just want you to know I love more than ever and even though I miss you there is a part of me that is happy to you know you finally found someone that makes you happy.
Love,
J
This love, this blindness is a a fools best friend. I knew I wasn’t even close, but I had to try. I don’t even know why, I had a life and I gave it up for an impossible dream.
Silent thoughts. Silent voices. It’s all I have to light the night.
I wish, I want but I but know these stars burn out before the dawn.
Words with out meaning and love without an end. This is all I see.
Maybe the world is beyond my dreams. Maybe these words are meant to echo into silence. Maybe silence is the last truth I will know.
I’ve been thinking for hours about your last words. I know I do poor job of controling my words and being just a friend. It’s really hard for me to hold back, you make me feel so many things. I have never asked for more than what you are willing to give, I’ve never tried to fight what you tell me, and I always loved you in an unconditional way. Maybe I am thinking too much about this, but the words that hurt the most, the words that are going to haunt me for a while are “even though you are my best friend you don’t know how to be my friend.” Those words just burned through me. It hurt because I know in someways it was true and in some ways it’s not. It hurt because I put nothing in front of you, and I know you will say that my world shouldn’t resolve around you. Unfortunately you will always be the bright star in my sky. Your love will always feel like home. I only have one set of eyes and I only know one way to look at you. There have been days I try to control it, and it just feels unnatural, it doesn’t feel right. Why can’t you just let me be me, why can’t just let me love you the only way I know. Because of this I feel you have never truly had a chance to know me, or see who I really am. It’s exhausting being who you tell me you want me to be, and not who I know I need to be. Life is simplier and makes more sense when I can just be me. Please stop trying to understand, or define. I don’t know how or why, but I know everything will work out and be as it should if you just stop trying to define me. You don’t need to respond, I prefer you take sometime to try to prcess what I am saying. Do this for me I promise to be the friend you need.
Love,
J
Today I am thankful for some many things. For my amazing parents, my loving family, my amazing friends, and all the great memories this life given me. I know I am truly lucky. I have a very long list of things to be thankful for, but at the very top of this long list will always be this beautiful, compassionate, intelligent, inspiring, brave, tenacious, and gentle creature named Jadie. Today I want to tell you thank you for so many reasons. Thank you for saving me from myself. Thank you for helping me get up when I did not deserve it. Thank you for reminding me that this world is overflowing with beauty. Thank you for giving me reasons to look at the stars. Thank you for giving me the passion to chase my dreams. Thank you for giving me the strength to make those dreams come true, but most of all thank you for your love. Your love is the warm blanket that keeps safe on those cold night. You love is the wind that makes my thoughts fly. You are my favorite sound, you are my favorite word, and you are even my favorite smell (and no thats not creepy). I know and you know I am not perfect and I know better than to promise you perfection, but I can promise you that I will be always be here giving everything my heart has to love you and suppport you through it all till the end (and maybe beyond that). I promise you to never stop dreaming and working hard to be the man we both know I should be. I promise to give you strenght when you feel weak, and to make you laugh when you forget to smile. I promise to prove to you that you are not a fool for loving me. I promise you that you will always be thankful for the day we met. I could go on a thousand pages so let me try to summaries my sentiments in the shortest, sweetest way I can think of…Thank you for being the missing pieces of my heart.
Love,
J
So here is the simple truth that you will never know.
Catching a cloud is not that hard. Holding impossible moments without breathing, loving without knowing will only leave you deeper. Your secrets teach me nothing I don’t already know.
Here is the simple truth I need you to feel.
At the start of the storm the end was already near, but that never stopped me from trying. Facts and fiction blend into unreal magical moments alive with nothing more than your shadow chasing my thoughts into tomorrow.
Here is the truth I need you believe.
These winds will guide you to where you know you need to be. The storm that lives in your heart calls my name, it calls me everyday, and I will chase it to the end.
Here is the final truth that you will never know. Catching clouds are not that hard, only if you stop trying.
I know we will get past this…You’re still my soulmate. I really want you to be happy. There is no jealousy in my heart. I really just want to be a part of each other’s lives. I’m sorry if the way I look at you scares you, but that is me being in the moment. When I look at you what you see is just happiness that you’re my best friend and I found someone that understands me. What you see is happiness that I don’t ever have to feel alone again because I found my best friend. What you see is pure affection and appreciation for a rare connection that most people never find. When I say I love you I mean it in every sense of the word. I have no selfish thoughts or emotions in the love I have for you. I hope to have a chance to prove this to you. What you saw that night was not a jealous lover, but an over protective soulmate. You’re part of my heart just like I’m part of yours. I know how special your heart is and I get scared at the prospect of you getting hurt. Yes I will always be in love with who you are but it will never be defined in the traditional sense, and it’s beyond the constraints of what most people can understand. I know it is a very strong emotion and I am strong enough to find that balance that I know I need to move forward. Please know that I will always be here for you in all the right and wrong decisions. Throughout our lives we will have our triumphs and our falls. I want to be a part of both. I want to be there to share your moments of joy and I want to be there to catch you or help you get up when you fall. I know we will get through this I just want you to know all I want is a chance to be part of your heart, to continue to be your best friend, and to make some really great memories with the time we both have left in this world. I love you J…
Nothing is beyond these two truths. There is the beginning and the end that both look the same.
There is nothing you can do to run from either side of the coin. Your life and your death both realized with one sweet kiss.
Your blind vision guides you in moments of confusion. You should look away, but can’t. You should run, but why should you? No one hears a silent scream.
This dream is what holds true night after night. The desire holds true through endless mornings, giving rise to impossible moments of beauty as you open your eyes.
Letting go is obvious, but how do you let go of yourself. How do you forget what you have always known?
Impossible dreams chase you through the nights only to find her when you wake.
It’s an sweet addicition to be close, to wonder and want.
It’s a sweet addiction to love and grow in the beautiful shadows of what you were, what you are, and what you want. Loving your joys and pains, loving your fears and dreams makes my heart beat stronger.
It’s a sweet addiction, but as the shadows fall beyond the moonlight your words fall hard from the sky. Pushing me away, I see them, I feel them. I have every reason to believe them, but I don’t. I have every reason to run for shelter, but I don’t.
It’s a sweet addiction that outshines the every star and owns my sky. I never thought I would see the colors so bright. I never thought I’d be warm in my heart. And yet I don’t ask because my screams are silent. There is love because you make me feel and you make me want. I was born with this hunger for your kiss.
You are the sweet addiction that will be my last thought.
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